12 Comments
User's avatar
Antonio Castellaneta's avatar

I enjoyed the restless rhythm of this piece. It feels almost like spoken-word jazz, where images tumble into one another and language leads the movement. There’s a playful intensity here that keeps the poem alive from beginning to end.

Gub's avatar

Thank you Antonio

It’s fun to transform surroundings into poetry

Gary L Taylor's avatar

I really liked this, the rhythm and rhyme, choice of words too, which add to a sense of anger and lend it an intense burn. Fabulous stuff.

Gub's avatar

Thank you Gary totally had the fire and was looking to burn

MoTy's avatar

“a proper twinkle

when stars align

more than once.

Brutal, rugged, far too raw

bruised apple, minor flaw” - in love with the entire stanza. Every single word is placed strategically. Perfect, Gub x

Gub's avatar

Damn thank you MoTy!

Buzz Kantwrite's avatar

You just hit us with the tobacco and staccato rhyme and walked off like it was nuthin.

Great job.

Gub's avatar

Aha! Too much smoking may cause this

Thanks so much Buzz!

Nick Hills's avatar

Great poem! I can feel the anger rising between the words. Great work!

Gub's avatar

Yesss thank you Nick :) you got me I’ve got volcano energy

Night Cracks's avatar

Beautiful rhythm and so many unexpected words next to each other 💚

Gub's avatar

Thank you! I think it came from using the visuals of the actual surroundings and mixing them with my feelings